Being held by a dead person

Piled upon the dew covered grass the crusty brown leaves whirled around in a circle like a small tornado sweeping the beautiful park. The mystifying colors of the sun shone onto the pile glistening brightly as the smell of the ocean breeze bitterly blew over my shoulders and neck, which gave me that tingling sensation everyone gets at the beginning of autumn. She walked in front of him, her steps heavy but shaky. 

¨Grandma?¨ I asked.

¨Yes,¨ she asked, not slowing down.

¨Grandpa is really sick. Right? He wont survive this. Right?¨

¨Sarah. Don’t talk such nonsense,¨ she hurried down the road even faster, wrapping coat around herself tighter.

¨But I already lost one grandparent. I don’t want to loose another other one.¨ I said, as I quickened my steps to catch up with her again. I was half running, half walking when she answered again.

¨He is in our prayers Sarah. He is in many peoples prayers.¨

¨What do you mean?¨ I asked.

Silence. The cold air bit at my cheeks, and I pulled my hat farther over my ears. 

¨Just stop talking, and hurry along.¨

I grabbed her big and boney hand, and she grabbed my little tinny one. We walked in silence for a few blocks, the wind blew against us, whispering in low murmurs.

¨Grandma?¨ I asked again as soon as we round the corner.

¨Yes?¨ she asked quietly, her voice shaking faintly, and I could see that tears had begun to well in her eyes.

¨Are you crying?¨ I asked shocked.

¨Nein, Nein,¨ she sayed ¨uber das redemer jetzt äppa nimma.¨

Yeah, yeah. What ever. The famous: No,no, we are not going to talk about that anymore.

¨Grandma?¨

¨What?¨ she was getting annoyed. I could tell.

¨Why do you always say that. my teacher says it’s good to talk about your problems. It helps you....¨

¨Sarah,¨

¨Yes Grandma?¨

¨Stop talking.¨

We walked in silence again. It began to rain just before we reached the hospital, and grandma opened her umbrella. She pulled me underneath, and we kept walking, the wind bowing around our faces. 

Entering the hospital in silence, I pulled my coat off, and grandma knelt on the floor and tied it around my waist. The smell of tobacco, and her old lady perfume circles around me, made me dizzy, and I griped for her shoulders.

¨Now remember Sarah,¨ she says. ¨be as quiet as possible.¨

The corridor smelled of cleaning products, and it was a bit on the chilly side, as hospitals are cooled down to about -1000˚. People wouldn't make eye contact with you, so I felt very alone -- even if someone tried to smile, it was weak and fake. The hallways had people coming and going; doctors and nurses and surgeons rushing around, and people pushing everything from food carts to machinery everywhere.

We walked down the corridor to the last room on the left. 216 the room number said. Grandma took a deep breath, and gripped for the door knob and pushed it open. 

¨Grandpa?¨ I asked as soon as we walked inside.

¨Hubert?¨ Grandma said.

His blue eyes that had been piercing now stared listlessly, dull and lifeless. His skin was pale, and he looked like just a husk of his former being. Like any normal five year old I broke down crying.

¨Grandpa!¨ I cried! ¨Grandpa! Grandpa!¨

¨Sarah,¨ he answered, his voice pained but full of love. ¨Thank you so much for coming.¨ 

Grandma picked me up, and cradled me in her arms, but grandpa stretched his arms out, and I was handed to him.

¨It’s ok Sarah,¨ he whisper. ¨It’s ok.¨

My tears had dried up, as I sat there in grandpas bed. Robert sat next to me in the bed, as Mami, Papi, Lea and my cousins sat around us. Grandpa looked around, and looked into everyones eyes. The grown ups obviously knew what was coming, and all of them gathered around us, giving grandpa one last hug. 

I was last, and I was wrapped into a bear hug. 

¨I’m going to miss you Sarah,¨ he said his voice soothing and calm.

I hugged him back, and leaned my head against his chest. Then he closed his eyes, and never opened them again. 

I was lifted out of grandpas arms weeping, just as the machine grandpa was hooked up to stopped beeping. Grandma cradled me in her arms, as a hoard of doctors was rushed into the room. 

I’m going to miss you Sarah bounces around in my head. I’m gonna miss you too grandpa. 

     Grandma holds me tight, and we walk out the big red building, that now represented death to me.